Sunday, November 19, 2006
@ 9:05 AM

Im stuck, Im lost in this big big world. Someone asked me wats my passion and my mind jus goes blank like tt. I had already passed the point to build dreams and my dreams is already gone. No doubt i can grab that lil lil chance in the air, but it jus feels so tired, so bleak.
I answered, 'Eat, play, slp and fun everyday, till the very day i die'' and Enting actually said that what i lack is passion. Yupz, indeed it is true, wat im lack is passion. I dunno wat i wan, i dunno wat i wan to achieve, i jus pass each day with no aim, no hope, jus hope that the holidays will be here soon. I simply dont like to work and i agree that im a lazy bum. No doubt i can study but besides studying, i dont like to lay my hands on any work. I had absoultely no chance to survive in this big big world cos all i wan is fun and play.
How i hope theres a restart button in life so that i can restart my life. Grab hold of the chance to learn something that i want, remake the choices i had made, and most imptly, i can have happy childhood for another 12years.
Im such an ordinary gal, tts when depression comes in. I felt that the depression is eating me up, turning my world into different shades of grey. Its not complete darkness yet but when its dark, mayb, its time for me to close my eyes.
Projects are piling, work are piling and yet, some people are jus so free. WOrk are assigned and all they wanna do is jus to push e work away. If i had the brains that i used to have, i tink i will not be as pessimistic as i am now. Im beginning to doubt my abilities, serious doubting.
I realli hope that one day i will marry rich. So that i no need to worry about my working abilities, so that i can have all the fun, all the food and all the merry of the world. Like i said, i dont mind dealing with politics, but pls dont ask me to work. I HATE WORKING!! I had been spoilt my parents and yeah, i agree with that. Tts me and i hope i will always be this way. ALways Dare to admit tt im spoilt, im a lazy bum and my ambition is to eat play slp. I noe some will smile at this entry and think, 'Everyone wishes this to happen u stupid gal.'' or ''Such a idiotic gal having such an idiotic dream'' but so wat, tts me. Im proud of having this as my ambition cos besides that, i have absoultely no dream.
If i have to tink that i have to slog for another 50years in order to survive, then i call tts bleak, VERY bleak. Work to live or Live to work? Sometimes, human got mixed up.

End of My Future is Bleak