Sunday, July 09, 2006
@ 9:23 AM

Recently, I have mood for nothing. Jus wanna hide in tt small small world of mine n my story book. Yeah, mayb on e outside i look ok, budden somehow, i feel that i have lost my heart. To who? When did i loose it? How did i loose it? I have completely no idea. Im nt refering that im loosing my heart to that someone. But its like im being sucked into a big black hole. Loosing my interest for things, loosing love for my loved ones, loosing my moral, my principles, my passion for life. ..Emotionless thats wat u say. Life suddenly become so colourless and dull. No one to hear me out, to understand me and worse of all, trust in no one that dey realli understand. Im falling into something that maybe all humans would wan to deny. Life is realli nth worth achieving for, living for but still, you are born to live and born to die. We are here, we cnt choose but to continue living it.
A normal teenager sounds like shes planning for a sucide. Hmm...Not to the extend, but jus suddenly feels that my goals, my target, my dreams have all diminish into nothing. Jus take life as life, nth to look forward to, to hope for. My ambitions have left me so far, scars that leave me so deep, past that keep haunting me.
People speak to me of faith and letting go. I realli would like to. 1 year, 2 years, 3 years passed by, still i could not use the most neutral way to look back at my past. Sometimes, i still pushed it to the back of my mind and pretend that its not there at all and choose not to face it.
Finally, i admit to myself that Im timid, lacking in courage. I dont dare to face alot of things, fearful of pain and therefore, putting up pretendence that im actually strong. Few people c through it cos i dont dare to show, having e belief that many people will attack the weakest spot of mine.
A very grey entry. Nite

End of Moodless.